Guru 2

 So I'm having my life in Santa Cruz. Sleeping wherever, sometimes in the car, enjoying the warming weather in the lovely seaside resort town of Santa Cruz CA. And unknown to me, there is a wild guru on the loose right in Santa Cruz. Truly a cult figure. But relatively benign. I've heard other rumors but as far as I know for sure, benign. So I'm 32 at this point and this guy is 29. I'm for sure a real yogi at this point, got my chakras open and all. Which is how I detect this guy. There is this outdoor mall and people hang out there. Lots of benches and shops and places to eat. And I'm hanging there with my strett musician friend Ben, and I detect this guy. I feel him really strong. He feels like my guru felt. He's got that shakti in his energy field. And he seems to like me, he invites me to a group "thing" at a coffee shop after hours, he knows the owner. So I go. And he focuses on my and I feel him strong. And I get a little more from him than what I had, which is about as good as I can explain it. We merged energy fields and I came away with more consciousness than I had going in. 

Now me, I'm not an analytic type, more an intuitive type. And I feel that "this" is "it". Looking back it was NOT it, but it was something. I'm pretty sure there's no one big "it". You just keep moving along, learning and feeling your way. But at the time, I thought it was it. Before him, I thought it was it, from my guru. But that wasn't the whole deal either. But it was some of it. 

It's about opening up. Opening your chakras which are part of your etheric body or soul. And also most importantly, to either find or keep a stable mind in the midst of this opening up.

Many people say don't worry about the mental part, it will straighten itself out in time. But that's no necessarily true. They say just open up, get yourself to some level of awake. And that's not a good idea either. You have to have a stable and rational mind. It's very important. The Buddha himself said this.

Now the reason I went into all that was that this guru did NOT have all of that. He did not have a good understanding of what consciousness was about. and for. He was a crap guru to put it bluntly. I could see that right away, but I was an outsider. I wasn't part of his thing and didn't have a vote. I was allowed to hang out but other than that, I wasn't part of it. Nor did I want to be because it looked pretty crazy to me. What I cared about is that energy connection I had with him and what it had to offer ME.

But hanging out with them got depressing after a while. And getting that bump in consciousness does not bring happiness, it just brings the bump. 

So I started to spiral down for similar reasons as the last time. Couldn't find a girlfriend, got lonely, losing hope, etc. And I just walked off again. Just left town. Headed to Oregon this time, feeling pretty despondent. At least I knew they took care of the down and out up there. So I surrendered to being down and out for a while. And it was really bad for a while. Stayed at the Salvation Army for awhile.

But then some guy comes along and says "hey, ya wanna to pick pears up by Mount Hood"? and I wasn't doing anything but feeling sorry for myself so I went and we picked the season up there. Then I went to Washington and picked the season up there. And had a little money. So I went to Seattle and bought a cheap car. And had a fling with a woman that didn't work out. Then came back to Santa Cruz in early April. I guess I had been gone around 6 months. 

Now it's 1980 and I'm 34 and about to conclude my last few adventures before settling into married life and having a child.